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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.
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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories
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Jul 13, 2018

Jesus Christ of Nazareth was a pretty cool guy. He had a bunch of good ideas about being nice, having fun, treating people with respect, redistributing wealth, and so on. But for being basically the most famous person on earth, it’s pretty weird that there’s a 16ish year gap in his biography. But Ptolemy Slocum (Westworld) has a theory about where JC might have been. Ptolemy thinks that maybe, like so many teens, he went to find himself in India. Listen up for sincere Jesus-praising, some wacky theories on the Three Wise Men, and some good old fashioned Marxism.

Jul 6, 2018

At first it's gonna seem like Dave Child (actor and comedian and wonderful person) doesn't believe his own conspiracy theory. But about halfway into this episode things got really weird. Maybe the Bohemian Grove is just a campground where rich old Republicans get together to pee outside. Or maybe it's something...stranger.

Jun 29, 2018

The sinking of the Titanic was one of the great tragedies of the 20th century, an accident that claimed many lives and inspired many movies. But what if it wasn't an accident? What if it was an elaborate plot involving a wealthy banker, the creation of the Federal Reserve, and a FREAKIN MUMMY! The delightful Conor Dowling joins us this episode to educate us all about how the American finance system works, and what really sank the unsinkable ship.

Jun 22, 2018

Jonestown is one of the great American tragedies, a cautionary tale about cults and the scary narcissists who run them. MKUltra was a freaky freewheeling military department that tried to give people psychic powers by dosing them with LSD. At first glance, you’d think they have nothing in common. But Drew Droege knows better than that. The magnetic actor and comedian believes that Jonestown was in fact a large scale outdoor MKUltra experiment gone terribly wrong, and an avoidable tragedy manufactured by the CIA. Can you believe?!? Buckle up for a wild ride complete with chit chat about philosophy, Chloe Sevigny, Ronald Reagan, Willy Wonka, the KGB, and all the true crime you can handle.

Don’t forget to upgrade your socks and underwear (and support Lizard People!) at MackWeldon.com with promo code LIZARD!

Jun 15, 2018

In 1942 the Air Force opened a base in Montauk, New York. What happened next… will blow your mind. Colleen Watson, stand-up and comedy writer extraordinaire, has a theory on the dark secrets behind the ‘air force’ base and what was really going on there. A theory that involves DARPA, the Philadelphia Experiment, alien grays, genuine psychics, time travel tunnels, and the malicious torture and brainwashing of an entire town. And also nazi gold!!! All this and more will be revealed in this week’s terrifying episode.

Jun 8, 2018

Where has Melania Trump been for the past month? Why did she just return? Was it because the White House got wind that we were releasing this episode that would blow the whole thing wide open and they had to get her back before we unmasked them???? PROBABLY! The outrageously brilliant Emily Schmidt is here to reveal the truth about where Melania was, who she was with, and who ahem what she was doing. Let’s just say that Thelma and Louise ain’t got nothing on Melania and Karen Zucker.

Jun 1, 2018

Did you enjoy the royal wedding? All those pretty dresses and weird traditions. Well then you got played by one of the most classic distraction techniques in the book. See there’s a theory floating around that the British Royal Family aren’t just weird because of history and inbreeding. They’re weird because they’re Reptilians. Returning hero and talented actor/comedian/director Sarah Claspell has a thing or two to say about the House of Windsor. She thinks they might just be descended from an ancient (aka pre-human) race of meddling alien lizards who live to harvest our fear. It’s sinister as hell!

May 25, 2018

If you think all those nazis really died or escaped to Argentina, well, open your eyes ya dang sheeple. There’s a theory that nazis, aliens, and wooly mammoths are all living peacefully together inside the earth, in eternal sunshine and joy. It’s nuts! But Marcy Jarreau, wildly talented comedian and podcast host, has a theory that just might convert you. See, she thinks that the land of the subterranean bigots is actually connected to a pre-Islamic myth from the Middle East, which is in turn based on real stuff. It’s WILD and you’re gonna love it.

May 18, 2018

This guests in this episode are… THE FANS! That’s right, it’s our call-in show, and you people called in with some serious doozies. These conspiracy theories range from Kanye to Roseanne, MK Ultra to alien lights, ghost doggies to Elizabeth II eating little boys. We got Benn, Scott, Summer, ‘Shawhan’, and Max on the line, and you’re gonna fall in love with every single one of them. Alexis and Katelyn sure did!

And if you missed this round of calls, never fear! This was fun as hell and we’ll definitely be doing it again.

May 11, 2018

Finland! It’s the wacky Scandi country we all know and love. But whatever you think you know about Finland, throw it out the window like a package of rotten lingonberries. Because the country? It doesn’t exist. This week, Beth May stops by Lizard People HQ to educate us all about the secret pact between Japan and the USSR to fish the Baltic Sea restriction free by pretending that there’s a country there. Thinks that’s crazy? Wait til you hear about Katelyn’s grandma!

May 4, 2018

Beyoncé is art, Solange is an artist. Beyoncé is the sun, Solange is the moon. Beyoncé is… the mommy and Solange is her kid??? There are almost as many conspiracy theories pertaining to Beyoncé as there are for The Jews, prob because people are threatened by a powerful black woman. But Oscar Montoya, gifted actor and truly hilarious comedian, thinks this theory is different. He thinks there’s something behind the rumour that Beyoncé was a mega young teen mom and Solange is her stubborn but beloved daughter. Listen in for one of our most heartwarming celebrity episodes yet.

And if you want to be part of our call in show, it’s gonna be May 6th from 2:00-3:00PM PST and the number is (707) 861-0443

Apr 27, 2018

Geoff Ross has a theory. A theory so explosive, so stunning, and so well researched, that it might just make you freak out so hard you quit modern life completely and go live in the woods and like chop wood or whatever. Geoff thinks that the state of technological innovation in this country is at least 30 years ahead of what we really think it is, and a cabal of government and private industry players is keeping it from us for their own creepy purposes. It’s nuts!!! This episode has everything - spy planes, Howard Hughes, Soviet Russia, Elon Musk, Martian civilizations, nuclear fusion, The Powers That Be, and of course the tallest woman in the WNBA. Geoff is smart, and he’ll make you smarter too.

Apr 20, 2018

Hunky action star meets starlet on the rise. Romantic photo ops are closely followed by a whoopsie baby and a way too extra engagement story. Then there’s something about a purification course and a silent birth and Oprah’s couch gets ruined? That’s right honeys, we’re talking about the historic romance of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise! Because while it might seem like just another quickie Hollywood marriage/divorce/falling in love with Jamie Foxx, there might be a whole Scientology conspiracy going on!!! The hilarious comedian and gifted Hollywood sleuth Rebecca Leib is here to explain. See, there’s a little rumor going around that involves Tommy being barren, Katie being a savvy business lady, and Scientology being an all powerful spiritual mafia that wants Rebecca dead. Listen in!

And don’t forget to get your meals from the always delicious HelloFresh.com, with the promo code LIZARDPEOPLE30

Apr 13, 2018

Andy Kneis is back, and he’s been watching the YouTubes! This week we tackle the controversial experiments of a Russian YouTuber named Korny, who has allegedly created a real life homunculus. What’s a homunculus? So glad you asked!! From ancient Greek freaks to Medieval alchemical weirdos to modern post-Soviet YouTube creeps, many have tried to generate spontaneous life by putting human sperm in an artificial womb. The little guys that are created by sliming into cows tummies and chicken eggs are called homunculi, and they are almost definitely not real. Or ARE THEY?? As you might have guessed, this episode is mega gross and comes with a hearty trigger warning about sex, fluids, animal bothering, and just general nastiness. But you should also listen in if you love famous bassists, science, laughter, and bickering.

Apr 6, 2018

Kelly Nugent is a podcast host (Teen Creeps, Hellmouthy), a nerd stuff afficionado (tabletop, Twitch) and a very funny person. But DID YOU KNOW that she is also one of the few people in the world who knows the truth about CERN? Oh, they might want you to think that the Large Hadron Collider over there in Switzerland is just a harmless laboratory where scientists study particle physics. But THEY are, in fact, probably all brainwashed members of a doomsday cult trying to bring about the end of the world by bringing the Annunaki (more specifically the one we know as Shiva) through a stargate and into our dimension. Kelly brings the heat in this episode, and drops some knowledge about protons, religion, nerdy creeps, whether you can send syringes through the USPS, and of course, swords.

Mar 30, 2018

You might know Michael Jordan from the timeless film Space Jam, his hilarious Hanes commercials, or from playing hella good basketball. But if you’re part of a select group, you might remember Michael Jordan from the high stakes world of sports gambling. That’s right, ol ‘Air’ Jordan had a gambling problem. But could that gambling problem be behind his stunning 1993 retirement? Guest David Zwick has a theory that the NBA commissioner’s office gave Jordan a choice - either disappear for a couple years to play baseball, or we take you down for betting on the outcome of your own games. This STUNNING turn of events is discussed at length, as well as lots of sports trivia, some talk about the existential nature of sports, and of course Katelyn’s hollow bird bones.

Mar 23, 2018

What if (and hear us out here) all those Y2K hysterics and Mayan calendar makers and apocalypse-predicting conspiracy theorists were right all along? What if 2000 (or 2001 or 2012) actually were the end of the world? What if all this bummer shit that’s happened since was like totally foreseen by Nostradamus? Grant Pardee has a theory that just might set the world ablaze. He thinks that those predictions came true (in a way) and that we’re all living in the twilight days of the human race, sliding downhill to the inevitable apocalypse. But in a fun way!! Listen in for a wild ride of despair and elation. It is the end of the empire, and our decadent ways will consume us all.

Mar 16, 2018

Bitcoin is one of the great mysteries of the internet age. Who exactly created it? Where is it going? How did it blow up so fast? What the fudge is a blockchain and why don’t I have one? The delightful Sam Balter (of the equally delightful podcast Weird Work) joins to talk about cryptocurrency and the possibility that the OG cryptic coin was created by - get this - a artificial intelligence. Yes, Sam thinks that a true AI lurks inside the internet like some sort of Smaug, but with bandwidth instead of gold. And that that AI has its own enigmatic reasons for creating the fake currency we all know and… know. Listen for a rundown on how cryptocurrency actually works, as well a chat about beautiful code, weird aliens, and a bunch of dorky computer programmers who run the world.

Also, go get $30 off your first week of HelloFresh at hellofresh.com with code LizardPeople30! Doy!

Mar 9, 2018

Lyme disease blows. It hurts, its scary, it comes from a rude ass bug sucking on your blood. But could it be more than that? Could it be… a government superweapon accidentally leaked into the population from a creepy Nazi lab in Connecticut! Alie Ward, preternaturally charming podcast host, dares to ask the big questions! We talk about bug facts, scary science, how human cells work, the cutest types of bacteria, and terrifying swimming deer.

Mar 2, 2018

Ah, the enigmatic Elon Musk. Inventor, businessman, stunt-puller… alien? There’s a theory floating around the internet that Elon is not what he seems  - that he may in fact be a higher being from another world who’s infiltrated our own to bring us technology beyond our wildest dreams. But is he doing this because he’s a nice guy? Or because he enjoys playing god? Or is he just a regular nerd with grandiose ideas and a head for business? The dudes from Convince Me stopped by to discuss good ol’ Musky and his science fiction origins. Also, we discuss Geoff and Thayer’s many fetishes, how much we all love to party, and the eternal relevance of Greek myths.

Feb 23, 2018

Every morning, unmarked planes take off from McCarran International Airport, bound for Air Forces bases all around Nevada. Every evening they return. Where do they go in between? Winston Carter knows where. The mysterious planes, the lights in the sky above Area 51, the long complex history of the Cold War space race - all these things come together in a conspiracy theory so original, it will blow your freakin mind. Winston is an extremely funny and smart comedian/actor/podcast host/band guy, and his depth of knowledge about military matters is astounding. Buckle up as he takes us on a ride to Area 51 and beyond. And also probably Alaska or something.

Feb 16, 2018

What’s the moon’s deal, honestly? We’re supposed to believe it just floats up there effecting the tides and whatnot? Yeah right. Our guest this week - the extremely funny and opinionated Matt McCarthy - knows the shocking truth about what the moon is really doing up there, and it ain’t just floating. No, Matt is convinced that the moon is hollow, it’s full of aliens and gadgets, and we’re all DUMB SHEEPLE for thinking otherwise. Start the slam counter, because Matt won’t rest until Katelyn, NASA, and the scientific establishment are completely destroyed.

Get your clothes from Mack Weldon with our code LIZARD for 20% off, and your food from HelloFresh with our code LIZARDPEOPLE30 for $30 off your first week!

Feb 9, 2018

‘Just swipe your cheek and spit into a jar and we’ll tell you all about your ancestors’ they said. ‘We’ll sequence your DNA, it’ll be fun’ they said. But what aren’t ~they~ telling you??? The extremely talented and funny writer/performer/producer Dani Rosenberg stopped by to educate us all about what sites like Ancestry.com and 23AndMe are really doing with all that DNA. Guess what? It might be nefarious!!! We talk about shady gene sequencing websites, plus skincare routines, gross potato babies, the link between Ancestry.com and the Illuminati, and dudes named Carl. It’s wild!

Feb 2, 2018

The earth is flat. This is a fallacy believed by human beings throughout time, and without reason. And yet for all the things that make no goddamn sense about flat Earth theory, people persist in insisting that it is a disc, that gravity is fake, and that the moon and sun for sure don’t work like you think they do. People like this week’s guest, very funny comedian and open minded man Ben Dietzel. Though previously a hollow Earther, Ben has seen the light. And he came to LP HQ to educate us all about the Big Bang, which planets are totally round, what the pilots know, and how water works. Plus to totally slam those dumb hollow earth believing idiots.

Jan 26, 2018

Stalin. Putin. Saddam Hussein. Melania Trump. What do these three public figures have in common? No not fascism you doof, they’re all rumored to use body doubles! The controversy over Melania’s possible impersonators started in October of 2017 with video of her looking weird and plastic-y at a press converence, and it’s been bubbling ever since. And our guest, podcaster and feminist and truly brilliant writer/director Lindsay Stidham, is convinced that Melania employs one or more body doubles to serve in her place. And by that yes, we do mean hook up with Donald. This pop culture episode ends up being informational as hell, and if you’ve ever wanted to hear about the fate of Stalin’s impersonator, this is a must listen!

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