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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.
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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories
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Nov 16, 2018

Michael Dean is BACK and he’s been watching sitcoms from the 80’s, baby! Friend of the show (and inventor of the term Hemphead Nation) has a theory about the sitcom that launched young Robin Williams to superstardom and helped cement bland earth-angel Gary Marshall as a major producer. Yes, it’s Mork and Mindy. And Michael thinks the show may have been a plot by the US government to get us all comfy cozy with the idea of living with aliens. We touch on many other important subjects too - the 17 Wilson siblings, why Ron Howard’s mother robbed a cemetary, what we would do if sharks had rockets, how Pam Dawber felt about all of this, and of course the poetry of John Milton. Plus guess what ALEXIS IS ON THE MIC. Enjoy, Sediment Heads!

Nov 9, 2018

What do you add when you’re ready to upgrade a podcast? Booze and an audience. And we had both at Lizard People’s first ever live show! Plus our guests were the amazing improv team Area 51 (Sarah Claspell, Dickie Copeland, and Jessica Jean Jardine) and they really put things over the top. And the theory they took on might be the most problematic one yet! Yes, there’s some ‘evidence’ that nazis were descended from tall blonde aliens who hurtled to earth in icy comets of destruction with a mission to do science and murder us all. Aryans = Aliens and that’s pretty much the episode in a nutshell if you want to save time.

Nov 2, 2018

The Kardashians are back baby! Are they eclipsing Bey and Jay to become the first family of conspiracy theories? Also, does Drake suck? All these questions and more will be answered on this extremely gossip-y episode of Lizard People. Our guest is Nick Casalini of Hella In Your 30’s, and he’s got a passion for Drake and an extremely scandalous conspiracy theory about who sired the son of Sophie Brussaux. Plus we touch on Pusha T, rap beefs, Kim K, single moms, how weird it must be to have your mental illness play out in front of billions of people, and the great state of Wyoming.

Oct 26, 2018

The list of suspects in the death of pop star Michael Jackson grows ever longer. Soon it might even include… you??? Nah just playing. Todd McClintock is back on the podcast and he has an explosive theory about who might really be behind the slaying of MJ. Yes, good ol Todd thinks Sega did it. Sega. Maker of console and cabinet video games. That Sega. Hear us out though! Because there are a few shocking clues that the plucky company that brought us beloved characters like Wario and Knuckles the Echidna had plenty of motive and opportunity to kill the king of hee-hee. It’s sus to say the least!

Oct 19, 2018

What’s the deal with aliens? Folks have close encounters with them all the time, but they always look different and want different things and won’t fess up about whether they’re just angels or not. Aliens are a mystery! But Cody Ziglar, podcast producer and gifted writer/director, thinks he might know what’s up with our goggle eyed buddies from outer space. Namely, that they’re not from outer space at all. No, Cody has a theory that aliens might be mutated humans from our horrifying future, here to harvest our sweet fresh chromosomes. And honestly, it really only gets weirder from there.

Oct 12, 2018

Ever get an ear worm stick in your head? One of those tunes you just can’t stop singing? Ever think that maybe there’s a terrifying ominous conspiracy behind it involving the Catholic Church and every great composer of classical music and also the International Standards Organization? Because that’s what Jess McKenna thinks! And she’s pretty much a musical genius so you have to listen to what she says. See there’s a theory that the frequency of modern music melts our brains, and it’s got some science behind it. Sort of. This episode is fun and wild and might just reprogram your brain.

PS. Shoutout to Nutrafol for sponsoring the podcast! Use that promo code Lizard at Nutrafol.com, baby.

Oct 5, 2018

Can you even imagine a story that combines swingers, head injuries, America’s first family of scandal, tragic murder, and the ultimate baby daddy drama?! If you can’t you’re in luck, because comedy genius and podcast darling Carl Tart is here to tell you that very story. Carl suspects that Khloe Kardashian’s papa may in fact be OJ Simpson, and he’s got the facts to back it up. Along the way we also talk about whether football is worth it, who Playboy Carti actually is, and of course brunch.

Sep 28, 2018

Once again, friend of the show Ben Dietzel has learned the error of his ways. First he thought the earth was hollow. Then he realized it was flat. Then he learned that not only is it flat, there are no actual forests! Yes, Brainy Boy Ben is back and he’s here to argue that the things we think of as trees are just pale bushy imitations of the real thing, trunks of which still dot the landscape. What do those real trees look like now? You’re just gonna have to listen to find out. And along the way you’ll learn why we have gorges, whether some dinosaur fossils might actually be big trucks, and of course how to style your pubes.

Sep 21, 2018

Ever heard of ‘Britain’s Roswell’? If you haven’t, maybe it’s because ~they~ don’t want you to. But Colton Dunn wants you to hear about it, because Colton is both a talented actor AND a professional truth teller. What happened in Rendlesham Forest is still a mystery, but it definitely involves the US military, weird lights in the sky, possible rabbit warrens, maybe tons of LSD, Christmas egg nog, and more spooky details. Come with us on a journey to a quaint British forest and the freaky UFO stuff that may or may not have happened there.

Sep 14, 2018

Do you love Hollywood gossip? How about celebrity drama? Do you wish that the tea about famous people also included just a sprinkle of the supernatural? Ooh honey, this is your episode. The delightful Jen Zaborowski (of We Need To Talk About Britney) stopped by to give us all the hot hot goss about how Keanu Reeves and Brent Bolthouse are totally vampires and have been covering it up for centuries. Plus we also get into Keanu’s sexy creepy home, how weird it is to be over 30 in LA, and of course The Hills.

Sep 7, 2018

This episode is hard to describe. Oh everything started out normal enough - our guest was the gentle genius of podcasting Matt Gourley, host of Superego and I Was There Too (among a million other podcasts). Matt was desperate to tell the world the truth about the Illuminati and its most artistic member, H.R. Giger, illustrator of alien sex machines. But then something happened. Something you’ll never believe. Something Katelyn and Producer Grant barely believe, and we were there! And to find out what that something is, you’re just gonna have to listen. Buckle up, slime tubes.

Aug 31, 2018

How old is Lorde? You know, the shockingly young pop-music sensation who won a Grammy as a teen and took the world by storm with her clever lyrics and stadium rock vocals? Like 22? WRONG. Stevie Nelson is convinced that Lorde is actually a 40-year-old masquerading as a teen for the publicity. Stevie (who’s also a genius actor/comedian/artist) has a lot of evidence to support Lorde being a big fake faker, and she shares it on this episode. Along with a story about her best friend that will really touch your heart. It’s a blessing of an ep!

PS don’t forget to get your underwear and basics at MackWeldon.com, 20% off at checkout with promo code Lizard!

Aug 24, 2018

What connects shark attacks in Egypt, lizards in Iran, and an endangered vulture in Saudi Arabia? Why, nothing but the fact that they’re all trained spies sent by Mossad to snoop on Israel’s enemies!!! This wild and wooly theory comes to us courtesy of the insanely funny Zach Reino, and it’s a whopper. There have been many incidences of weird camera wearing animals around Israel, and we get into all the possibilities of what might be going on. Discussion includes but is not limited to - robot dolphins, squid stabbings, whether lions eat other out, whether Mossad is scary or cool, and of course Birthright. It’s such a nice time!

Aug 17, 2018

This week’s episode is a very special one. The guest may be incarcerated, but his soul and his intellect are free as a bird. Jesse Ray Beaumont is an amateur horologist and full-time small-town scapegoat who is currently serving a life sentence for a crime he may not have committed. He’s the subject of the popular podcast M-Towne. And he’s very convinced that soy gives men big saggy tatas. It’s a conspiracy that’s near and dear to his heart because of his own boyhood bosoms, and we get into his soy bean farming past, the details of his current and former murder trials, and of course our own favorite nicknames for the male anatomy. Please enjoy this heartfelt interview with a sensitive southern genius.

And also watch Trial & Error and follow Michael Hitchcock on all social media.

Aug 10, 2018

Michael and Patrick are two delightful tv writers on the show Trial and Error. Y2K is the fun and catchy nickname for the epidemic of fear around the year 2000. This episode is where it all goes down. See, programmers in the early days of computers decided to list dates with two digits, which made 1900 the same as 2000, which made everyone freak out and think that all computers would go bust at midnight on New Years Eve. That didn’t happen. BUUUUUUT that anti-climactic moment just might be the reason that our world currently looks the way it does. See Mike and Patrick think Y2K influenced our culture in some creepy secret ways, and you just might agree.

Aug 3, 2018

Hey, how come they never found any bodies in the pyramids in Egypt? Like, if they were tombs where are all the bodies and decorations and stuff? If this question bothers you, then you have a lot in common with Suzi Barrett. The truly delightful writer/actor/comedian stopped by to drop some knowledge about what was really going on in those big geometric sons of guns. To whit, free unlimited electricity! Suzi has some shocking (heheh) details in support of the idea that the pyramids in Giza were hydroelectric power plants used by the ancient Egyptians to build their empire. How fun! Also Suzi is genuinely one of the funniest people we’ve ever met, don’t miss this ep.

Jul 27, 2018

Iran does NOT play when it comes to coups. So it makes sense that incumbent Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would have been nervous when protests broke out after he basically stole the 2009 election. But was he so nervous that he’d plan and execute the assassination of the world’s most famous pop star just to distract the world media??? Idk, maybe! The brilliant and way too funny funny Anna Hossnieh stopped by to school us all on Iranian history, Michael Jackson’s legacy, and the insane theory that Ahmadinejad killed MJ by bribing his weird doctor to give him an overdose. In the immortal words of Nicki Minaj - “Yo, like MJ doctor, they killing me / propofol, I know they hope I fall”. Also, Anna and Katelyn are friends from college, which might be helpful to understanding this episode.

Jul 20, 2018

On September 7th, 1996, we lost one of the greatest minds America has ever produced. Tupac Shakur was a brilliant rapper and writer, a budding actor, and a surprisingly great ballet dancer. He also had a lot of enemies. So when he was shot in a car in Las Vegas, most people assumed one of those nemeses was behind the murder. But Casey Feigh thinks different. Casey thinks it might have been one of Tupac’s closest associates, the man sitting in the car right next to him, the comically villainous producer Suge Knight! Suge is a very violent guy, and in this episode we discuss how we hope he doesn’t murder us A LOT. Also discussed: Katelyn and Casey’s favorite music videos, whether you should smoke your dead friend’s ashes in a blunt, and Vanilla Ice’s scariest day ever.

Jul 13, 2018

Jesus Christ of Nazareth was a pretty cool guy. He had a bunch of good ideas about being nice, having fun, treating people with respect, redistributing wealth, and so on. But for being basically the most famous person on earth, it’s pretty weird that there’s a 16ish year gap in his biography. But Ptolemy Slocum (Westworld) has a theory about where JC might have been. Ptolemy thinks that maybe, like so many teens, he went to find himself in India. Listen up for sincere Jesus-praising, some wacky theories on the Three Wise Men, and some good old fashioned Marxism.

Jul 6, 2018

At first it's gonna seem like Dave Child (actor and comedian and wonderful person) doesn't believe his own conspiracy theory. But about halfway into this episode things got really weird. Maybe the Bohemian Grove is just a campground where rich old Republicans get together to pee outside. Or maybe it's something...stranger.

Jun 29, 2018

The sinking of the Titanic was one of the great tragedies of the 20th century, an accident that claimed many lives and inspired many movies. But what if it wasn't an accident? What if it was an elaborate plot involving a wealthy banker, the creation of the Federal Reserve, and a FREAKIN MUMMY! The delightful Conor Dowling joins us this episode to educate us all about how the American finance system works, and what really sank the unsinkable ship.

Jun 22, 2018

Jonestown is one of the great American tragedies, a cautionary tale about cults and the scary narcissists who run them. MKUltra was a freaky freewheeling military department that tried to give people psychic powers by dosing them with LSD. At first glance, you’d think they have nothing in common. But Drew Droege knows better than that. The magnetic actor and comedian believes that Jonestown was in fact a large scale outdoor MKUltra experiment gone terribly wrong, and an avoidable tragedy manufactured by the CIA. Can you believe?!? Buckle up for a wild ride complete with chit chat about philosophy, Chloe Sevigny, Ronald Reagan, Willy Wonka, the KGB, and all the true crime you can handle.

Don’t forget to upgrade your socks and underwear (and support Lizard People!) at MackWeldon.com with promo code LIZARD!

Jun 15, 2018

In 1942 the Air Force opened a base in Montauk, New York. What happened next… will blow your mind. Colleen Watson, stand-up and comedy writer extraordinaire, has a theory on the dark secrets behind the ‘air force’ base and what was really going on there. A theory that involves DARPA, the Philadelphia Experiment, alien grays, genuine psychics, time travel tunnels, and the malicious torture and brainwashing of an entire town. And also nazi gold!!! All this and more will be revealed in this week’s terrifying episode.

Jun 8, 2018

Where has Melania Trump been for the past month? Why did she just return? Was it because the White House got wind that we were releasing this episode that would blow the whole thing wide open and they had to get her back before we unmasked them???? PROBABLY! The outrageously brilliant Emily Schmidt is here to reveal the truth about where Melania was, who she was with, and who ahem what she was doing. Let’s just say that Thelma and Louise ain’t got nothing on Melania and Karen Zucker.

Jun 1, 2018

Did you enjoy the royal wedding? All those pretty dresses and weird traditions. Well then you got played by one of the most classic distraction techniques in the book. See there’s a theory floating around that the British Royal Family aren’t just weird because of history and inbreeding. They’re weird because they’re Reptilians. Returning hero and talented actor/comedian/director Sarah Claspell has a thing or two to say about the House of Windsor. She thinks they might just be descended from an ancient (aka pre-human) race of meddling alien lizards who live to harvest our fear. It’s sinister as hell!

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