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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.
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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories
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Apr 20, 2018

Hunky action star meets starlet on the rise. Romantic photo ops are closely followed by a whoopsie baby and a way too extra engagement story. Then there’s something about a purification course and a silent birth and Oprah’s couch gets ruined? That’s right honeys, we’re talking about the historic romance of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise! Because while it might seem like just another quickie Hollywood marriage/divorce/falling in love with Jamie Foxx, there might be a whole Scientology conspiracy going on!!! The hilarious comedian and gifted Hollywood sleuth Rebecca Leib is here to explain. See, there’s a little rumor going around that involves Tommy being barren, Katie being a savvy business lady, and Scientology being an all powerful spiritual mafia that wants Rebecca dead. Listen in!

And don’t forget to get your meals from the always delicious HelloFresh.com, with the promo code LIZARDPEOPLE30

Apr 13, 2018

Andy Kneis is back, and he’s been watching the YouTubes! This week we tackle the controversial experiments of a Russian YouTuber named Korny, who has allegedly created a real life homunculus. What’s a homunculus? So glad you asked!! From ancient Greek freaks to Medieval alchemical weirdos to modern post-Soviet YouTube creeps, many have tried to generate spontaneous life by putting human sperm in an artificial womb. The little guys that are created by sliming into cows tummies and chicken eggs are called homunculi, and they are almost definitely not real. Or ARE THEY?? As you might have guessed, this episode is mega gross and comes with a hearty trigger warning about sex, fluids, animal bothering, and just general nastiness. But you should also listen in if you love famous bassists, science, laughter, and bickering.

Apr 6, 2018

Kelly Nugent is a podcast host (Teen Creeps, Hellmouthy), a nerd stuff afficionado (tabletop, Twitch) and a very funny person. But DID YOU KNOW that she is also one of the few people in the world who knows the truth about CERN? Oh, they might want you to think that the Large Hadron Collider over there in Switzerland is just a harmless laboratory where scientists study particle physics. But THEY are, in fact, probably all brainwashed members of a doomsday cult trying to bring about the end of the world by bringing the Annunaki (more specifically the one we know as Shiva) through a stargate and into our dimension. Kelly brings the heat in this episode, and drops some knowledge about protons, religion, nerdy creeps, whether you can send syringes through the USPS, and of course, swords.

Mar 30, 2018

You might know Michael Jordan from the timeless film Space Jam, his hilarious Hanes commercials, or from playing hella good basketball. But if you’re part of a select group, you might remember Michael Jordan from the high stakes world of sports gambling. That’s right, ol ‘Air’ Jordan had a gambling problem. But could that gambling problem be behind his stunning 1993 retirement? Guest David Zwick has a theory that the NBA commissioner’s office gave Jordan a choice - either disappear for a couple years to play baseball, or we take you down for betting on the outcome of your own games. This STUNNING turn of events is discussed at length, as well as lots of sports trivia, some talk about the existential nature of sports, and of course Katelyn’s hollow bird bones.

Mar 23, 2018

What if (and hear us out here) all those Y2K hysterics and Mayan calendar makers and apocalypse-predicting conspiracy theorists were right all along? What if 2000 (or 2001 or 2012) actually were the end of the world? What if all this bummer shit that’s happened since was like totally foreseen by Nostradamus? Grant Pardee has a theory that just might set the world ablaze. He thinks that those predictions came true (in a way) and that we’re all living in the twilight days of the human race, sliding downhill to the inevitable apocalypse. But in a fun way!! Listen in for a wild ride of despair and elation. It is the end of the empire, and our decadent ways will consume us all.

Mar 16, 2018

Bitcoin is one of the great mysteries of the internet age. Who exactly created it? Where is it going? How did it blow up so fast? What the fudge is a blockchain and why don’t I have one? The delightful Sam Balter (of the equally delightful podcast Weird Work) joins to talk about cryptocurrency and the possibility that the OG cryptic coin was created by - get this - a artificial intelligence. Yes, Sam thinks that a true AI lurks inside the internet like some sort of Smaug, but with bandwidth instead of gold. And that that AI has its own enigmatic reasons for creating the fake currency we all know and… know. Listen for a rundown on how cryptocurrency actually works, as well a chat about beautiful code, weird aliens, and a bunch of dorky computer programmers who run the world.

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Mar 9, 2018

Lyme disease blows. It hurts, its scary, it comes from a rude ass bug sucking on your blood. But could it be more than that? Could it be… a government superweapon accidentally leaked into the population from a creepy Nazi lab in Connecticut! Alie Ward, preternaturally charming podcast host, dares to ask the big questions! We talk about bug facts, scary science, how human cells work, the cutest types of bacteria, and terrifying swimming deer.

Mar 2, 2018

Ah, the enigmatic Elon Musk. Inventor, businessman, stunt-puller… alien? There’s a theory floating around the internet that Elon is not what he seems  - that he may in fact be a higher being from another world who’s infiltrated our own to bring us technology beyond our wildest dreams. But is he doing this because he’s a nice guy? Or because he enjoys playing god? Or is he just a regular nerd with grandiose ideas and a head for business? The dudes from Convince Me stopped by to discuss good ol’ Musky and his science fiction origins. Also, we discuss Geoff and Thayer’s many fetishes, how much we all love to party, and the eternal relevance of Greek myths.

Feb 23, 2018

Every morning, unmarked planes take off from McCarran International Airport, bound for Air Forces bases all around Nevada. Every evening they return. Where do they go in between? Winston Carter knows where. The mysterious planes, the lights in the sky above Area 51, the long complex history of the Cold War space race - all these things come together in a conspiracy theory so original, it will blow your freakin mind. Winston is an extremely funny and smart comedian/actor/podcast host/band guy, and his depth of knowledge about military matters is astounding. Buckle up as he takes us on a ride to Area 51 and beyond. And also probably Alaska or something.

Feb 16, 2018

What’s the moon’s deal, honestly? We’re supposed to believe it just floats up there effecting the tides and whatnot? Yeah right. Our guest this week - the extremely funny and opinionated Matt McCarthy - knows the shocking truth about what the moon is really doing up there, and it ain’t just floating. No, Matt is convinced that the moon is hollow, it’s full of aliens and gadgets, and we’re all DUMB SHEEPLE for thinking otherwise. Start the slam counter, because Matt won’t rest until Katelyn, NASA, and the scientific establishment are completely destroyed.

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Feb 9, 2018

‘Just swipe your cheek and spit into a jar and we’ll tell you all about your ancestors’ they said. ‘We’ll sequence your DNA, it’ll be fun’ they said. But what aren’t ~they~ telling you??? The extremely talented and funny writer/performer/producer Dani Rosenberg stopped by to educate us all about what sites like Ancestry.com and 23AndMe are really doing with all that DNA. Guess what? It might be nefarious!!! We talk about shady gene sequencing websites, plus skincare routines, gross potato babies, the link between Ancestry.com and the Illuminati, and dudes named Carl. It’s wild!

Feb 2, 2018

The earth is flat. This is a fallacy believed by human beings throughout time, and without reason. And yet for all the things that make no goddamn sense about flat Earth theory, people persist in insisting that it is a disc, that gravity is fake, and that the moon and sun for sure don’t work like you think they do. People like this week’s guest, very funny comedian and open minded man Ben Dietzel. Though previously a hollow Earther, Ben has seen the light. And he came to LP HQ to educate us all about the Big Bang, which planets are totally round, what the pilots know, and how water works. Plus to totally slam those dumb hollow earth believing idiots.

Jan 26, 2018

Stalin. Putin. Saddam Hussein. Melania Trump. What do these three public figures have in common? No not fascism you doof, they’re all rumored to use body doubles! The controversy over Melania’s possible impersonators started in October of 2017 with video of her looking weird and plastic-y at a press converence, and it’s been bubbling ever since. And our guest, podcaster and feminist and truly brilliant writer/director Lindsay Stidham, is convinced that Melania employs one or more body doubles to serve in her place. And by that yes, we do mean hook up with Donald. This pop culture episode ends up being informational as hell, and if you’ve ever wanted to hear about the fate of Stalin’s impersonator, this is a must listen!

Jan 19, 2018

Sometimes Lizard People can be pretty wacky. But sometimes we just want to settle down, chill out, and talk about what really separates quantum mechanics from religion when you get right down to it. Michael Gardner stopped by LP HQ to discuss parallel universe theory, and how it relates to the Mandela Effect and the Berenstein/Berenstain Bears debate. Did we slip into an alternate timeline? Are we simply misremembering our timelines? Do universes boing off each other like red balls off a handball wall at recess? Should we hasten the oncoming AI apocalypse and hope that they’re benevolent dictators? All these questions and more are thoughtfully discussed in this week's episode.

Jan 12, 2018

Who shot JFK? If you think it was Lee Harvey Oswald, the dude hiding in a book dispensary with a big ass rifle, you truly are a chump. This week we address the conspiracy theory that president John F Kennedy’s killers were, in fact, a buncha wiseguys!!! That’s right, Mary Sasson (wildly talented comedian and writer) believes that the mafia did it. Along the way we also chatted about JFK’s super romantic friendship with Frank Sinatra, the history of American imperialism in Cuba, wacky seashells, sassy mistresses, and the truly inspiring story of a woman with an extra big vagina.

Jan 5, 2018

What blends true crime, paranormal activity, the Great Depression, adultery, murder, Hollywood glamour, and unsolvable mystical mysteries?  What’s that you say? You already read the episode title and you know we’re talking about the Cecil Hotel? That was smart. The Cecil Hotel was built in 1924 in downtown Los Angeles and it quickly got a reputation for being spooky as all hell. The building has been home to an outrageous number of suicides, murders, and just plain messed up goings on. And our guest, insanely talented improviser and writer Heather Anne Campbell, thinks there’s more than random coincidence at play here. Together we cover the eerie history of the hotel and branch out into such topics as whether ghosts are real, how many people kill themselves in Nevada, our specific anxieties, and what we the living owe to dead people. It’s creepy and it’s beautiful and we have some laughs too!

Dec 22, 2017

Oh boy did we have fun with this one. Lorraine DeGraffenreidt stopped by to present all the evidence for the Simpsons in fact being an African-American family. Sound crazy? Just you wait. She thinks creator Matt Groening, known counter-culture weirdo, had a dream larger than just creating the first adults-only cartoon sitcom. She thinks he wanted to change white people’s hearts and minds. But can Lorraine convince us that it’s true?? Along the way we also discuss Judaism, hair, how we both get street harassed in very specific ways, the definition of redbone, and of course, Smithers.

 

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Dec 15, 2017

Heating and air conditioning! They’re the humble inventions that make modern life possible. But do you ever walk past your wall unit and think ‘does it really need to be that complicated?’ Bryan Rainstein does. The comedian, cartoonist, and all around angel stopped by Lizard HQ to discuss his many brushes with the nefarious HVAC industry, and his theory that we may all be the victims of the biggest con in history. To whit: it’s Bryan’s belief that there’s a better air conditioner out there that ~they~ don’t want you to know about. One that doesn’t drip on your friggin head. This conversation takes a turn for the philosophical, so get those thinking brains primed! And make sure you haven’t lost your stupid A/C remote.

Dec 8, 2017

What if, like, Satan is just in your mind, man? And like, all the popes are a bunch of pagan priests or whatever? The extremely thoughtful and talented Ariana Lenarsky joins us this week to discuss these groovy and far out questions, as well as to address the conspiracy theory that the Catholic Church is based in pagan idolatrous Satan worship. But we don’t stick with that for long, because we also cover: the nature of evil, our own religious upbringings, tarot, whether god is love, why Evangelicals hate Catholics so much, the Inquisition, and how exactly a mikveh works. Buckle up, because our brains are addled from the LA fires and this one is a wild ride.

Dec 1, 2017

Some people say that Jesus was celibate his whole life. People like, oh, The Pope. Ever heard of him? But there is some extremely intriguing evidence that Rabbi Yeshua of Nazareth was actually married, and his wife was none other than notorious foot washer Mary Magdalene. Our guest this week is the unbelievably funny comedian and actor Pam Murphy, and she has some pretty controversial opinions about Jesus, Mary, Judas, and all those freaky disciples. Listen in, religion fans!

Nov 24, 2017

In 1933 Franklin Delano Roosevelt so infuriated the robber barons and business elite with his progressive socialist plans, they plotted to overthrow the government and install a fascist dictatorship. Sound far-fetched? Oh honey, is this episode gonna blow your mind. Our guest AJ Salas has an encyclopedic knowledge of American history and a HOT TAKE on FDR’s presidency, and he’s here to change how you think of the Great Depression. Sure, we get pretty silly in this episode. But if you listen closely, you just might learn all the stuff you missed in AP History because your teacher was not as smart or cool as AJ.

Nov 17, 2017

In case you need another reason to hate Thanksgiving, we’ve got an episode that pertains to a whole bunch of Puritan f*ckery. Our guest is writer, actor, and podcaster Erica Bardin, and she’s got some pretty crazy ideas about how we got into this whole mess of sexual harassment and workplace inequality in the first place. So crazy… they just might be true. Erica suspects that it all goes back to the trial of Anne Hutchinson, the religious trailblazer, born leader, and extremely dope lady. We talk about theology, rude dudes, Erica’s cats, Anne’s zillion kids, how extremely wack sexism is, and many other things.

Nov 10, 2017

The conspiracy theory surrounding the Philadelphia Experiment is the stuff of nightmares. Believers argue that in 1943, in an attempt to speed up the arms race in World War II, the US Navy successfully caused the USS Eldridge to become invisible, teleport, and travel in time - which resulted in the horrifying deaths of several crew members. But also, that probably didn’t happen. Or did it?!? Nah. Maybe? Let our illustrious guest, comedian and actor and writer and genius Johnny Meeks, explain. Oh, and also please enjoy hearing about Johnny’s childhood trauma, the definition of a UFO-logist, the nature of invention, and the surprising political leanings of both your host and your guest.

Nov 3, 2017

Everyone knows Mother Teresa. Her name is synonymous with goodness and charity and lepers. But there are darker secrets lurking behind the myth and the sainthood. And if you follow the money, you might start to suspect that something is amiss, just like our guest returning fan favorite Jessica McClintock does. In fact, it may be possible that Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (aka Saint Teresa) had ties to both the USSR and the US government, and that her purpose was never just to serve the poor. This episode has it all - horrible mispronunciations of names, wicked cronies, shady Vatican dealings, tons of history and research, a fight about celebrity spies, EVERYTHING!

Oct 27, 2017

Mix some fan favorite guests with absolutely no research and what do you get? Lizard People’s stupidest episode ever. The members of LA improv team Kid Scissors (aka Ben Dietzel, Alexis Preston, and Michael Dean) join the podcast to try to convince Katelyn that ghosts are real. Everyone discusses their own experiences with the paranormal, and we debate whether ghosts obey the laws of physics or not. It’s a spooky Halloween treat that also includes discussions on mysterious tennis shoes, childhood friends who grow up to be pretty meh, God, love, and how much Katelyn hates all her friends. It’s a silly Halloween party, and honey, you’re invited!

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