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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.
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Lizard People: Comedy & Conspiracy Theories
2018
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Sep 21, 2018

Ever heard of ‘Britain’s Roswell’? If you haven’t, maybe it’s because ~they~ don’t want you to. But Colton Dunn wants you to hear about it, because Colton is both a talented actor AND a professional truth teller. What happened in Rendlesham Forest is still a mystery, but it definitely involves the US military, weird lights in the sky, possible rabbit warrens, maybe tons of LSD, Christmas egg nog, and more spooky details. Come with us on a journey to a quaint British forest and the freaky UFO stuff that may or may not have happened there.

Sep 14, 2018

Do you love Hollywood gossip? How about celebrity drama? Do you wish that the tea about famous people also included just a sprinkle of the supernatural? Ooh honey, this is your episode. The delightful Jen Zaborowski (of We Need To Talk About Britney) stopped by to give us all the hot hot goss about how Keanu Reeves and Brent Bolthouse are totally vampires and have been covering it up for centuries. Plus we also get into Keanu’s sexy creepy home, how weird it is to be over 30 in LA, and of course The Hills.

Sep 7, 2018

This episode is hard to describe. Oh everything started out normal enough - our guest was the gentle genius of podcasting Matt Gourley, host of Superego and I Was There Too (among a million other podcasts). Matt was desperate to tell the world the truth about the Illuminati and its most artistic member, H.R. Giger, illustrator of alien sex machines. But then something happened. Something you’ll never believe. Something Katelyn and Producer Grant barely believe, and we were there! And to find out what that something is, you’re just gonna have to listen. Buckle up, slime tubes.

Aug 31, 2018

How old is Lorde? You know, the shockingly young pop-music sensation who won a Grammy as a teen and took the world by storm with her clever lyrics and stadium rock vocals? Like 22? WRONG. Stevie Nelson is convinced that Lorde is actually a 40-year-old masquerading as a teen for the publicity. Stevie (who’s also a genius actor/comedian/artist) has a lot of evidence to support Lorde being a big fake faker, and she shares it on this episode. Along with a story about her best friend that will really touch your heart. It’s a blessing of an ep!

PS don’t forget to get your underwear and basics at MackWeldon.com, 20% off at checkout with promo code Lizard!

Aug 24, 2018

What connects shark attacks in Egypt, lizards in Iran, and an endangered vulture in Saudi Arabia? Why, nothing but the fact that they’re all trained spies sent by Mossad to snoop on Israel’s enemies!!! This wild and wooly theory comes to us courtesy of the insanely funny Zach Reino, and it’s a whopper. There have been many incidences of weird camera wearing animals around Israel, and we get into all the possibilities of what might be going on. Discussion includes but is not limited to - robot dolphins, squid stabbings, whether lions eat other out, whether Mossad is scary or cool, and of course Birthright. It’s such a nice time!

Aug 17, 2018

This week’s episode is a very special one. The guest may be incarcerated, but his soul and his intellect are free as a bird. Jesse Ray Beaumont is an amateur horologist and full-time small-town scapegoat who is currently serving a life sentence for a crime he may not have committed. He’s the subject of the popular podcast M-Towne. And he’s very convinced that soy gives men big saggy tatas. It’s a conspiracy that’s near and dear to his heart because of his own boyhood bosoms, and we get into his soy bean farming past, the details of his current and former murder trials, and of course our own favorite nicknames for the male anatomy. Please enjoy this heartfelt interview with a sensitive southern genius.

And also watch Trial & Error and follow Michael Hitchcock on all social media.

Aug 10, 2018

Michael and Patrick are two delightful tv writers on the show Trial and Error. Y2K is the fun and catchy nickname for the epidemic of fear around the year 2000. This episode is where it all goes down. See, programmers in the early days of computers decided to list dates with two digits, which made 1900 the same as 2000, which made everyone freak out and think that all computers would go bust at midnight on New Years Eve. That didn’t happen. BUUUUUUT that anti-climactic moment just might be the reason that our world currently looks the way it does. See Mike and Patrick think Y2K influenced our culture in some creepy secret ways, and you just might agree.

Aug 3, 2018

Hey, how come they never found any bodies in the pyramids in Egypt? Like, if they were tombs where are all the bodies and decorations and stuff? If this question bothers you, then you have a lot in common with Suzi Barrett. The truly delightful writer/actor/comedian stopped by to drop some knowledge about what was really going on in those big geometric sons of guns. To whit, free unlimited electricity! Suzi has some shocking (heheh) details in support of the idea that the pyramids in Giza were hydroelectric power plants used by the ancient Egyptians to build their empire. How fun! Also Suzi is genuinely one of the funniest people we’ve ever met, don’t miss this ep.

Jul 27, 2018

Iran does NOT play when it comes to coups. So it makes sense that incumbent Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would have been nervous when protests broke out after he basically stole the 2009 election. But was he so nervous that he’d plan and execute the assassination of the world’s most famous pop star just to distract the world media??? Idk, maybe! The brilliant and way too funny funny Anna Hossnieh stopped by to school us all on Iranian history, Michael Jackson’s legacy, and the insane theory that Ahmadinejad killed MJ by bribing his weird doctor to give him an overdose. In the immortal words of Nicki Minaj - “Yo, like MJ doctor, they killing me / propofol, I know they hope I fall”. Also, Anna and Katelyn are friends from college, which might be helpful to understanding this episode.

Jul 20, 2018

On September 7th, 1996, we lost one of the greatest minds America has ever produced. Tupac Shakur was a brilliant rapper and writer, a budding actor, and a surprisingly great ballet dancer. He also had a lot of enemies. So when he was shot in a car in Las Vegas, most people assumed one of those nemeses was behind the murder. But Casey Feigh thinks different. Casey thinks it might have been one of Tupac’s closest associates, the man sitting in the car right next to him, the comically villainous producer Suge Knight! Suge is a very violent guy, and in this episode we discuss how we hope he doesn’t murder us A LOT. Also discussed: Katelyn and Casey’s favorite music videos, whether you should smoke your dead friend’s ashes in a blunt, and Vanilla Ice’s scariest day ever.

Jul 13, 2018

Jesus Christ of Nazareth was a pretty cool guy. He had a bunch of good ideas about being nice, having fun, treating people with respect, redistributing wealth, and so on. But for being basically the most famous person on earth, it’s pretty weird that there’s a 16ish year gap in his biography. But Ptolemy Slocum (Westworld) has a theory about where JC might have been. Ptolemy thinks that maybe, like so many teens, he went to find himself in India. Listen up for sincere Jesus-praising, some wacky theories on the Three Wise Men, and some good old fashioned Marxism.

Jul 6, 2018

At first it's gonna seem like Dave Child (actor and comedian and wonderful person) doesn't believe his own conspiracy theory. But about halfway into this episode things got really weird. Maybe the Bohemian Grove is just a campground where rich old Republicans get together to pee outside. Or maybe it's something...stranger.

Jun 29, 2018

The sinking of the Titanic was one of the great tragedies of the 20th century, an accident that claimed many lives and inspired many movies. But what if it wasn't an accident? What if it was an elaborate plot involving a wealthy banker, the creation of the Federal Reserve, and a FREAKIN MUMMY! The delightful Conor Dowling joins us this episode to educate us all about how the American finance system works, and what really sank the unsinkable ship.

Jun 22, 2018

Jonestown is one of the great American tragedies, a cautionary tale about cults and the scary narcissists who run them. MKUltra was a freaky freewheeling military department that tried to give people psychic powers by dosing them with LSD. At first glance, you’d think they have nothing in common. But Drew Droege knows better than that. The magnetic actor and comedian believes that Jonestown was in fact a large scale outdoor MKUltra experiment gone terribly wrong, and an avoidable tragedy manufactured by the CIA. Can you believe?!? Buckle up for a wild ride complete with chit chat about philosophy, Chloe Sevigny, Ronald Reagan, Willy Wonka, the KGB, and all the true crime you can handle.

Don’t forget to upgrade your socks and underwear (and support Lizard People!) at MackWeldon.com with promo code LIZARD!

Jun 15, 2018

In 1942 the Air Force opened a base in Montauk, New York. What happened next… will blow your mind. Colleen Watson, stand-up and comedy writer extraordinaire, has a theory on the dark secrets behind the ‘air force’ base and what was really going on there. A theory that involves DARPA, the Philadelphia Experiment, alien grays, genuine psychics, time travel tunnels, and the malicious torture and brainwashing of an entire town. And also nazi gold!!! All this and more will be revealed in this week’s terrifying episode.

Jun 8, 2018

Where has Melania Trump been for the past month? Why did she just return? Was it because the White House got wind that we were releasing this episode that would blow the whole thing wide open and they had to get her back before we unmasked them???? PROBABLY! The outrageously brilliant Emily Schmidt is here to reveal the truth about where Melania was, who she was with, and who ahem what she was doing. Let’s just say that Thelma and Louise ain’t got nothing on Melania and Karen Zucker.

Jun 1, 2018

Did you enjoy the royal wedding? All those pretty dresses and weird traditions. Well then you got played by one of the most classic distraction techniques in the book. See there’s a theory floating around that the British Royal Family aren’t just weird because of history and inbreeding. They’re weird because they’re Reptilians. Returning hero and talented actor/comedian/director Sarah Claspell has a thing or two to say about the House of Windsor. She thinks they might just be descended from an ancient (aka pre-human) race of meddling alien lizards who live to harvest our fear. It’s sinister as hell!

May 25, 2018

If you think all those nazis really died or escaped to Argentina, well, open your eyes ya dang sheeple. There’s a theory that nazis, aliens, and wooly mammoths are all living peacefully together inside the earth, in eternal sunshine and joy. It’s nuts! But Marcy Jarreau, wildly talented comedian and podcast host, has a theory that just might convert you. See, she thinks that the land of the subterranean bigots is actually connected to a pre-Islamic myth from the Middle East, which is in turn based on real stuff. It’s WILD and you’re gonna love it.

May 18, 2018

This guests in this episode are… THE FANS! That’s right, it’s our call-in show, and you people called in with some serious doozies. These conspiracy theories range from Kanye to Roseanne, MK Ultra to alien lights, ghost doggies to Elizabeth II eating little boys. We got Benn, Scott, Summer, ‘Shawhan’, and Max on the line, and you’re gonna fall in love with every single one of them. Alexis and Katelyn sure did!

And if you missed this round of calls, never fear! This was fun as hell and we’ll definitely be doing it again.

May 11, 2018

Finland! It’s the wacky Scandi country we all know and love. But whatever you think you know about Finland, throw it out the window like a package of rotten lingonberries. Because the country? It doesn’t exist. This week, Beth May stops by Lizard People HQ to educate us all about the secret pact between Japan and the USSR to fish the Baltic Sea restriction free by pretending that there’s a country there. Thinks that’s crazy? Wait til you hear about Katelyn’s grandma!

May 4, 2018

Beyoncé is art, Solange is an artist. Beyoncé is the sun, Solange is the moon. Beyoncé is… the mommy and Solange is her kid??? There are almost as many conspiracy theories pertaining to Beyoncé as there are for The Jews, prob because people are threatened by a powerful black woman. But Oscar Montoya, gifted actor and truly hilarious comedian, thinks this theory is different. He thinks there’s something behind the rumour that Beyoncé was a mega young teen mom and Solange is her stubborn but beloved daughter. Listen in for one of our most heartwarming celebrity episodes yet.

And if you want to be part of our call in show, it’s gonna be May 6th from 2:00-3:00PM PST and the number is (707) 861-0443

Apr 27, 2018

Geoff Ross has a theory. A theory so explosive, so stunning, and so well researched, that it might just make you freak out so hard you quit modern life completely and go live in the woods and like chop wood or whatever. Geoff thinks that the state of technological innovation in this country is at least 30 years ahead of what we really think it is, and a cabal of government and private industry players is keeping it from us for their own creepy purposes. It’s nuts!!! This episode has everything - spy planes, Howard Hughes, Soviet Russia, Elon Musk, Martian civilizations, nuclear fusion, The Powers That Be, and of course the tallest woman in the WNBA. Geoff is smart, and he’ll make you smarter too.

Apr 20, 2018

Hunky action star meets starlet on the rise. Romantic photo ops are closely followed by a whoopsie baby and a way too extra engagement story. Then there’s something about a purification course and a silent birth and Oprah’s couch gets ruined? That’s right honeys, we’re talking about the historic romance of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise! Because while it might seem like just another quickie Hollywood marriage/divorce/falling in love with Jamie Foxx, there might be a whole Scientology conspiracy going on!!! The hilarious comedian and gifted Hollywood sleuth Rebecca Leib is here to explain. See, there’s a little rumor going around that involves Tommy being barren, Katie being a savvy business lady, and Scientology being an all powerful spiritual mafia that wants Rebecca dead. Listen in!

And don’t forget to get your meals from the always delicious HelloFresh.com, with the promo code LIZARDPEOPLE30

Apr 13, 2018

Andy Kneis is back, and he’s been watching the YouTubes! This week we tackle the controversial experiments of a Russian YouTuber named Korny, who has allegedly created a real life homunculus. What’s a homunculus? So glad you asked!! From ancient Greek freaks to Medieval alchemical weirdos to modern post-Soviet YouTube creeps, many have tried to generate spontaneous life by putting human sperm in an artificial womb. The little guys that are created by sliming into cows tummies and chicken eggs are called homunculi, and they are almost definitely not real. Or ARE THEY?? As you might have guessed, this episode is mega gross and comes with a hearty trigger warning about sex, fluids, animal bothering, and just general nastiness. But you should also listen in if you love famous bassists, science, laughter, and bickering.

Apr 6, 2018

Kelly Nugent is a podcast host (Teen Creeps, Hellmouthy), a nerd stuff afficionado (tabletop, Twitch) and a very funny person. But DID YOU KNOW that she is also one of the few people in the world who knows the truth about CERN? Oh, they might want you to think that the Large Hadron Collider over there in Switzerland is just a harmless laboratory where scientists study particle physics. But THEY are, in fact, probably all brainwashed members of a doomsday cult trying to bring about the end of the world by bringing the Annunaki (more specifically the one we know as Shiva) through a stargate and into our dimension. Kelly brings the heat in this episode, and drops some knowledge about protons, religion, nerdy creeps, whether you can send syringes through the USPS, and of course, swords.

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